tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-48178516928980705152024-02-20T20:40:01.523-08:00The Uninvited VisitorOn February 5, 2015, I found out that I have cancer. Cancer is very much an uninvited visitor to my life, and I would like to use this platform to keep people informed during my journey and to also share updates on both how I am doing and how I am feeling. There could be some TMI, and there may be a swear word every once in a while. Read at your own risk.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14847167064338953332noreply@blogger.comBlogger300125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4817851692898070515.post-47189724237998442232015-12-01T18:11:00.000-08:002015-12-01T18:11:13.205-08:00Day 300 - MedicineThis blog has been great medicine for me. It has helped me organize my thoughts, recognize my feelings, and cope with my diagnosis and subsequent treatment. The blog has been an important part of the past 300 days, and I am grateful for this space. It's time to wrap it up, though. I actually felt ready to stop posting yesterday, but just couldn't end on Day 299 (I'm not that barbaric). It's Day 300, a perfect day to shut down shop.<br />
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I've learned so much over the past 300 days, some lessons that I could have gone a lifetime without knowing, but I've also learned some really valuable things. I'm not invincible, none of us are. That is something that I've always known, intellectually, but I got a really heavy dose of it this year. I'm surrounded by love and support, and I am so fortunate for that. This path has not been lonely for me as a family member or friend was always a phone call or even a room/couch length away. Some people turn in and hunker down when a major life event comes along, and that is fine. I reached out, though, and summoned the team. My team is incredible.<br />
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I appreciate my child more than I ever did. The love that I have for him is truly overwhelming. Yes, he pushes my buttons, and I lose my patience at times (I am only human after all), but I find myself more patient and more understanding than I once was. I still sneak into his room and kiss his sweet face every night before I go to bed, and I count my blessings every time I hear him laugh. He is utterly delightful, and I am so lucky to be his mom. I am not sure if he will ever understand the depth of my love for him, and that is ok. I know how deep my love runs.<br />
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I am so incredibly grateful for my husband. He has seen sides of me that neither of us knew existed and his love and caring has never waivered. He has, quite literally, picked me up when I was down and did everything in his power to help me in any and every way. He has felt incredibly helpless this year, but he has helped me more than he knows. Having a spouse with significant medical needs is not easy (I imagine), and he has worked hard to keep things afloat in our household. I love him so very much.<br />
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I could go on and on and on about all of the reasons that I have to be grateful and could mention what I love and cherish about each person in my life, but that would take forever. Hopefully those who I love know it as I've tried to be much more open with my feelings. Can anyone really hear how loved he/she is enough? I don't think so.<br />
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I don't know what the future holds (and I really never did), but I have a lot of hope for a long and healthy life. I will never know why cancer chose me. It will be one of the greatest mysteries of my life, but I know that I will work diligently to help others though my experience as I think that I have a lot to offer in that area. I hope that people will reach out to me for support and help and will offer my contact information to others who may need help. I will be one of the "cancer experts" in my circle, and that is ok as I can truly empathize.<br />
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Finally, thank you to all who have read my blog over the past 300 days. It was not always terribly uplifting, but it provided a real glimpse into my life which has been very challenging this year. I've experienced some of the lowest lows and some very high highs and have willingly shared them. Sharing this experience has been important to me, and I hope that anyone reading has been able to better understand where I've been on any given day. I appreciate you walking this road with me, and I am grateful for every single cheer, prayer, tear, bit of strength that you have sent my way. Those gestures and offers of support mean more than you will ever know. <br />
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Saying "thank you" seems insufficient to express my gratitude, but those are the words that I have.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14847167064338953332noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4817851692898070515.post-60332227369436952002015-11-30T17:56:00.001-08:002015-11-30T17:56:31.412-08:00Day 299 - FlipMy hair is a disaster. Trust me, I'm not complaining because I am glad to have hair (oh the things that we say in Cancerland), but my hair has taken on a mind of its own. The back is especially wavy, curly, and flippy. I can't decide what it is going to do, but it certainly is not playing nicely right now. <br />
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As long as I keep product in my hair, it behaves a little bit better, but yikes. I am getting it cut again in a week and a half so hopefully my hair stylist can help tame the mane a little bit. If he tells me that I need to start blow drying it, though, I will just stick with the crazy hair. I refuse to blow dry hair that is only 2-3 inches long.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14847167064338953332noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4817851692898070515.post-42848508196020162172015-11-29T15:35:00.001-08:002015-11-29T15:35:30.132-08:00Day 298 - RepeatI just realized that I used a repeat post title, <i>Sunday</i> <i>Funday</i>, on days 130 and 221. I feel like such a failure. Kidding, of course, but I thought that I had an original post for each of the last 298 days. Oh well..can't change it now.<br />
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The Thanksgiving long weekend has officially come to a close. It was a great one full of fun, family and friends. We all had a really nice time, and it will be hard to get back into the swing of things tomorrow, as is typical after a long weekend. Such is life.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14847167064338953332noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4817851692898070515.post-72138644848685618852015-11-28T15:37:00.003-08:002015-11-28T15:37:49.779-08:00Day 297 - HelloI'm a bit late to the party on this (as is typical), but I cannot get Adele's song <i>Hello</i> out of my head. I've been waking around singing it, much to Mike's dismay, and I've pulled it up on my phone several times. She's really got some pipes.<br />
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We started our Christmas decorating today - lights are up outside, and we have our tree. I love this time of year. Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14847167064338953332noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4817851692898070515.post-87421041552300284162015-11-27T16:17:00.000-08:002015-11-27T16:17:20.886-08:00Day 296 - EnjoyNot to get too deep here, but since my diagnosis, I've found that I take the time to enjoy things more. I slow down, have conversations, laugh more, and reflect on simpler things that make me happy. For example, today I got to catch up with some family members, and I loved the simple act of sitting and talking. It feels like such a treat to stop and just visit for a little while. <br />
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I've had to slow down a lot this year, whether it be sitting at chemo or dealing with the after shock of chemo or surgery, and it is ok to slow down. It is ok to appreciate the simple art of conversation, and it is wonderful to recognize how special those moments are. I am very guilty of rushing around and trying to come up with things to do, but it is often the unscheduled and unplanned times that end up being the best. <br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14847167064338953332noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4817851692898070515.post-14398663250146977542015-11-26T14:17:00.000-08:002015-11-26T14:17:40.751-08:00Day 295 - ThankfulI have so many reasons to be thankful this year. In fact, a post listing those reasons would probably take forever to write. The list is long, and I run through it regularly but focused on it more today than usual. On the top of my list of reasons to be thankful is my health. Being healthy is the basis upon which a lot of other things are possible. <br />
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I think that it is safe to say that I appreciated my health before my diagnosis, but I didn't really know what that meant. It's hard to describe. Yes, I was glad to be healthy, but I had never known otherwise so could not really understand how grateful I should have been.<br />
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I've still got some work to do to get back into shape physically (and emotionally), but I am so very thankful that I have the opportunity to do that. Not everyone is given that opportunity, and I am profoundly grateful. More grateful than I can possibly put into words. <br />
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I'm thankful today and every day.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14847167064338953332noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4817851692898070515.post-62216199414473652022015-11-25T14:41:00.002-08:002015-11-25T14:42:24.891-08:00Day 294 - AngstA member of one of my Facebook groups was diagnosed with TNBC during the first trimester of her second pregnancy (I am pretty sure that I have referenced her before). She had a mastectomy first since she could not receive chemo until her second trimester. She had chemo while pregnant...I truly cannot imagine. Because she had surgery first, she does not know how well her tumor responded to chemo. She could have had a complete response or she may not have, but she will never know. <br />
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She is so filled with angst. All of her posts are her panicking about one symptom or another. Today, she is worried about a rash that she has on her chest and is wondering if she has skin mets. Since I've "known" her, she has had a multitude of tests to check various symptoms that she has experienced. My heart breaks for her. She is in therapy, on medication and actually tries to stay away from the Facebook groups as much as she can. I wish that there was something that any one of us could say to make her feel better, but there is not. She is continually waiting for the other shoe to drop, and I hope and pray that it never does. </div>
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In her post today about her fear of skin mets, someone had a really great response to her. She said something along the lines of "Stop spending your time thinking about the worst case scenario. I was re-diagnosed as stage 4 about a year after my treatment ended, and I am glad that I did not spend my cancer-free year in a state of panic." That is good advice and advice that can be applied across so many situations. </div>
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Stop being so concerned about what the future may or may not hold because you will miss out on some great days. I love that advice and try to apply it to my own life. We do not know what the future will bring (with anything) so we should enjoy what we have and stop either wishing or fearing life away. </div>
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My therapist and I have talked about this subject on a few occasions, and the comment from my group member really drove that point home. She has great perspective, and I am glad that she took the time to share it. I hope that her medical team is able to keep the beast at bay for her for a long long time (a wish that I have for everyone impacted by this disease).</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14847167064338953332noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4817851692898070515.post-9303668740214638452015-11-24T17:41:00.001-08:002015-11-24T17:41:19.951-08:00Day 293 - OffI am taking another vacation day tomorrow to have an extra long weekend again. I am looking forward to the downtime and to a few fun activities that we have planned for the holiday. If the vacation that I have requested gets approved, I will only work 2 full weeks during the month of December.<br />
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Part of me feels slightly guilty about it because I have needed so much time this year, but I have the time to take, and my work is getting done so that helps alleviate the guilt some. With all that has gone on this year, you'd think that I'd have learned to let go of some unnecessary guilt, but I am still working on that.<br />
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As always, I'm a work in progress. It's probably fair to say that we all are.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14847167064338953332noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4817851692898070515.post-69190355024255918542015-11-23T17:13:00.000-08:002015-11-23T17:13:22.568-08:00Day 292 - InternalizeIt is hard to not internalize other people's problems. I've become a member of several cancer-related Facebook groups, and there are often posts that make me sad and scared. These groups have done much more good for me than harm, but I have to remember to be empathetic without projecting others' issues onto me. I hope that does not sound cold. It's not meant to be.<br />
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We are all different. Our diagnoses are different, and the way that we handle treatment and life after treatment is different. I am very good at remembering this 90% of the time, and there is nothing specific that is triggering this post, in fact. I've just been thinking about this topic recently.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14847167064338953332noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4817851692898070515.post-33374911885953186252015-11-22T16:25:00.000-08:002015-11-22T16:25:05.402-08:00Day 291 - AccomplishedI got a lot accomplished today - gym, grocery store, bounce castles with Henry, and some volunteer work. I originally planned for a 10am trip to the gym but figured that stores would be packed by the time the class ended at 11 so switched to an earlier class at 8:45am. <br />
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When I got home, Henry requested a trip to the bounce castle place, and we had no other plans so I obliged. He made a few friends and had a sweaty blast running around. I could tell where he was at any given time because he was growling like a dinosaur almost the whole time he was there. Kids are so funny. <br />
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This afternoon, I did some work for METAvivor. I am working on a volunteer training program for them and got a program outline off to my contact on the organization's board of directors. I have spent the past few months researching best practices and gathering information on other volunteer training programs so was able to compile my recommendations and a basic program outline and send it along.<br />
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If I'm on the right track, I'll start filling in the outline with more robust information. I am so glad to be able to help this organization, and I hope to hear about another volunteer opportunity sometime next month.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14847167064338953332noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4817851692898070515.post-47167984056165247732015-11-21T14:10:00.001-08:002015-11-21T14:10:12.657-08:00Day 290 - ReunitedIn August, we learned that Henry's best friend at his preschool got into a 4k program at a local public school. His mom teaches at that school so him going was a no-brainer. Henry has not stopped talking about how much he misses his friend since he left the school in August so I emailed his mom to see if they could meet us at a local playground.<br />
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The stars aligned, and we were able to catch up this morning. We were at the playground for almost 3 hours, and Henry came home a sweaty, dirty, happy mess. He was so happy to see his friend, and the feeling was mutual. We left the playground vowing to get the two boys together more often. It was so cute to watch them play and listen to them talk to each other.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14847167064338953332noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4817851692898070515.post-36582163897494156012015-11-20T17:04:00.001-08:002015-11-20T17:04:45.391-08:00Day 289 - GiggleHenry's laugh is one of my favorite sounds in the world. He's got an infectious and uninhibited belly laugh that always makes me laugh with him. I was putting him to bed last night, and we were being really silly. The sillier I got, the harder he laughed, and he harder I laughed.<br />
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When I got downstairs after Henry was tucked in, I got a little bit scolded for getting Henry wound up before bedtime. The old me would have agreed that I should not be silly with him like that before bed, but the new me does not care. I love the sound of his laughter, and if laughing causes him to fall asleep 5 minutes later than he would have otherwise, then so be it. Bring the giggles. Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14847167064338953332noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4817851692898070515.post-40704833689283058742015-11-19T17:17:00.000-08:002015-11-19T17:17:03.662-08:00Day 288 - TMII am happy to report that my chemo-induced menopause has ended. Sparing details, I am really happy about this. Menopause at the age of 34 would bring a whole host of other problems and concerns so I am happy to report that I can cross that off of my list of worries.<br />
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As a quick follow up to yesterday's post, I called to pay my radiation bill that I mentioned yesterday and had trouble paying through the hospital's automated system so needed to speak to a representative who told me that my insurance company conducted an additional audit of the bill. He told me to wait for a new bill to be mailed to me but that the new amount owed would be in the neighborhood of $280. Even better! I am so grateful for my fantastic health insurance. Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14847167064338953332noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4817851692898070515.post-42441944850232348832015-11-18T16:32:00.003-08:002015-11-18T16:32:51.984-08:00Day 287 - InsuranceMy company's open enrollment period for next year's medical, dental, and vision insurance started today. Before this year, I had never really thought all that much about insurance other than "do I have it and how much will prescription medications cost." When I was pregnant with Henry, I gave my insurance a slightly more critical look, but only to know my out of pocket max and whether or not anesthesia was covered. <br />
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That changed this year. During our open enrollment meeting last year, I remember my boss saying "we are only offering one medical insurance option this year, but it is a really good plan." I didn't think all that much about that comment back then, but I thought about it all of the time this year. My insurance is really good. Really good. Without getting into too many specifics or talking too much about the finances of cancer, I still have not met my out of pocket max for the year and will provide one example of how great my coverage has been. The itemized bill for my 33 radiation treatments was over $19,000. I owe $459 of that. <br />
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$459 is still a healthy check to write (I don't really write checks, but that sounds better than "healthy card payment to make online"), but $459 is quite do-able compared to what it could have been. I have a lot of other examples of bills like that but won't bore you with details. My insurance is fantastic, and I am so very grateful that my company took the time to research and provide us with such an excellent plan.<br />
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I am also so happy to report that the plan has not changed for the 2016 calendar year. My company did add a lower-cost plan for next year as an option for those who do not anticipate needing regular medical care (does anyone really ever anticipate that). I elected to keep us all on the current plan that I know is really good. I'd rather have excellent coverage and anticipate that I will always opt for the higher-premium/better-coverage plans moving forward.<br />
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I'm very grateful for wonderful health insurance. Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14847167064338953332noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4817851692898070515.post-72493527000271073542015-11-17T17:49:00.000-08:002015-11-17T17:49:02.626-08:00Day 286 - VictorYesterday, my surgeon said that he advises patients to get to the point in which they stop being a "victim" of cancer and a "victor" over cancer. I think that is good advice and advice that is easier said than actually taken. That mentality is something to reach for in the future, but is not readily attainable. <br />
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I also know that I said that I would stop writing in this blog weeks ago, and I was not quite ready to do so, but I am getting closer. I don't know why I am having trouble letting go of this, but I don't really have all that much to say these days. It's time to wrap it up, and I hope to be able to emotionally make that happen soon.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14847167064338953332noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4817851692898070515.post-30664740731240891122015-11-16T16:16:00.000-08:002015-11-16T16:16:44.914-08:00Day 285 - Follow UpI saw my surgeon for a follow up appointment this afternoon, and I usually feel a lot better after talking to him (with the exception of my ultrasound appointment on Feb. 3). He took a lot of time to talk to me during my appointment and also did a very thorough exam. I mainly wanted him to tell me what I should be looking for/feeling for during self-exams. He told me that my left side would probably always feel different from the way that it did before cancer and that it would probably always feel different from my right side.<br />
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It does, and I am glad to know that the differences are normal and expected. He also told me that I should be working very hard to move on with the caveat that "I am not sure how well I would move on so just do the best that you can." He said that he'd like for me to get to the point in which I only think about cancer 4-6 times a year when I go for follow up appointments. I don't see that happening anytime in the near future, but it is a good goal.<br />
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I also have an appointment for a mammogram in February. My hospital system just started using 3D mammograms last month, which are much better for women with dense breast tissue (me). I will have a 3D mammo that my surgeon and I will discuss before determining if I need additional imaging as part of my long-term care. If the 3D mammogram is not as clear as we would like for it to be, I will add ultrasounds and MRIs to the treatment plan. I will be interested to see how the 3D mammogram works for me.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14847167064338953332noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4817851692898070515.post-25695829650392283272015-11-15T18:01:00.000-08:002015-11-15T18:01:02.554-08:00Day 284 - MagicalToday was pretty magical. We started the day with a walk on the beach toward a local lighthouse. Henry and I did that walk a month or so ago with some friends, and I knew that Mike and our friends from Philadelphia would love it. They did. It was a little cool on the beach but bright and sunny. Perfect fall day.<br />
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This evening, my friend Kristin and I took Henry and her 2.5-year old son to the a holiday lights festival. I know that it seems early for Christmas stuff, but the lights festival opened this weekend, and I figured that it would not be crowded and that the kids would love it. I was right on both counts. We rode a train through an "enchanted forrest," had hot cocoa in Santa's Village, and drove through the rest of the park to see the light displays. This park does an incredible job on the holiday lights, and I am so glad that we went to see it. Henry's voice was basically at a shout the whole night. He could barely contain his excitement. <br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14847167064338953332noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4817851692898070515.post-31937554901160014092015-11-14T19:42:00.001-08:002015-11-16T16:17:00.256-08:00Day 283 - BounceToday was so much fun. It was full of friends and full of kids playing. Our friends from Philly are here, and we went to the Farmers Market this morning to hit the bounce castles and food vendors. Henry and his buddy Nolan played hard at the market in the bounce castles. Watching them was very entertaining.<br />
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This evening, our local friends and their two kids came over to join the fun, and we all had a shrimp boil. All of the kids who could play played the night away, and we had great food and even better company. I loved today.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14847167064338953332noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4817851692898070515.post-56972087027653333932015-11-13T20:38:00.001-08:002015-11-13T20:38:52.728-08:00Day 282 - Shooting StarWe were sitting around a fire in our back yard late tonight, and we could see tons of stars in the sky. I saw a really bright shooting star as I sat there and looked at the sky. You might imagine my wish.<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14847167064338953332noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4817851692898070515.post-81124035082398113512015-11-12T17:04:00.000-08:002015-11-12T17:04:30.644-08:00Day 281 - SlowYears ago (+/- 10), we lived in Richmond, VA. During some of the time that we lived there, I participated in a workout called Seal Team PT. It was (and probably still is) taught by a former Navy Seal. There were two class times each day - approximately 5:30am or 6:00pm, and I always went to the morning class. It was a great workout though a little crazy at times. We would bear crawl up hills, carry people on our backs, run with a giant inflatable boat over our heads, all very Seal-like. There was also a lot of running. A lot. I was in great shape.<br />
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As I've said before, I have never been a strong runner. It has always been my exercise hurdle that I have never truly gotten over. Yes, I have run, but it's never been particularly easy or enjoyable for me. One morning during Seal Team PT, we were running (and running) halfway across downtown Richmond It seemed like all we did that morning was run. <br />
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Like usual, I was in the back of the pack and was struggling mightily. Just I was slowing my steps down to a walk, someone from the group ran up behind me, grabbed a fistful of the jacket that I had on and said "you can slow down but don't stop running." I have no idea who the woman was who said that to me, but it made a big impact on me that day and has stuck with me over the years. I picked my cadence back up to a run but slowed my pace, got my breathing under control, and ran the rest of the way.<br />
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I haven't always heeded her advice, but it is great advice. If you want to be good at something, then you have to do it. You have to keep going even if you have to go really slowly. I thought about that as I was trudging through some run/walk intervals this morning. I did not feel very skilled or efficient during the running parts, but I ran. I didn't stop running during those times though I wanted to many times. <br />
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I've had to slow my pace a lot of times this year. There have been days when I could barely crawl, much less run, but I kept on crawling (metaphorically of course). Stopping was never an option, but slowing down so that I could keep going happened often. <br />
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Speaking of slowing down, I am finally taking some days off of work. I was off today and will not be going back to work until Wednesday. I exercised, saw my therapist, and went to the spa today. It was a very "Real Housewives of Charleston" day, and I loved it. My colleagues gave me a spa gift certificate during the welcome back party that they had for me in Los Angeles, and I enjoyed cashing it in today!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14847167064338953332noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4817851692898070515.post-60777917071058784402015-11-11T16:22:00.000-08:002015-11-11T16:22:29.130-08:00Day 280 - BabySome of our dear friends are coming to visit later this week and are staying for a handful of days. They are bringing their 2.5-year old and 2-month old children with them, and I cannot wait to see all of them. I am excited to catch up, see Henry and their little boy play, and get my hands on that baby! <br />
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I love babies...always have. I think that it is unlikely that we will have another child. Whether I will be able to have another child is unclear at this point (chemo puts you into menopause, and sometimes it's permanent), and whether we want to have another child also remains unclear. Until we have clarity, I will enjoy snuggling other people's babies and holding them so that their parents can eat a meal in peace.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14847167064338953332noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4817851692898070515.post-30588705279217814112015-11-10T14:29:00.000-08:002015-11-10T14:33:23.899-08:00Day 279 - Morning Henry tends to jump out of bed in the morning ready to roll and with a lot of energy. He's a morning person, much like his mom. Though I generally have to wake him up for school, once he is awake, he's moving. This morning, I went into his room, turned off his white noise machine, and sat in his rocking chair until he woke up. He got out of bed, came right over to the rocking chair, and snuggled with me for a good 5 minutes while he woke up.<br />
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It is very uncharacteristic, and I enjoyed every second of it. He is very affectionate, but still moments are rare. I closed my eyes and breathed in the smell of his hair and felt his chest rise and fall. It was such an incredible way to start the day. He and I barely fit in that chair anymore, but I'll squeeze anytime he wants to rock.<br />
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I loved this morning. Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14847167064338953332noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4817851692898070515.post-73576886736226784182015-11-09T16:19:00.002-08:002015-11-09T16:23:40.442-08:00Day 278 - TradeAs I've said many times before, aches and pains freak me out. Someone who has not had cancer is likely to approach a minor ache or pain quite differently than someone who has received a cancer diagnosis. Both during and after my treatment, I've had some freak out moments due to aches, pains, and strange sensations:<br />
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<li>Strange feeling in the upper right-hand side of my abdomen. I asked for an ultrasound that was clear. That sensation has not resurfaced. </li>
<li>Full feeling in my ears due to what was determined as eustachian tube dysfunction. I took Mucinex and Flonase for a while to dry out my sinuses, and that feeling went away.</li>
<li>Slight cough and tight feeling in my chest. This occurred about a week after Henry came home with a really bad cough/runny nose so the rational side of me knew that I had a minor chest cold, but the emotional side of me freaked out. Freaked out. I did not get any tests done, though, as I am trying to keep the freak outs in check. The cough and tightness both went away partially thanks to a few bottles of Zicam (which is amazing by the way).</li>
<li>Lower back pain. I woke up with lower back pain one morning before I went to California. It lasted for a few days then went away while we were in California. It came back once I got home. I feel quite confident that the pain is due to our kind of crappy mattress so I am going to sleep in a different bed for a few nights. If that does not do the trick, I'll mention the pain to my surgeon when I see him for a follow up appointment next week. </li>
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It seems like one pain gets traded for another, and one freak out moment gets traded for the next. This is a very common thing to happen after cancer treatment, and I know that intellectually. Knowing that and managing my emotions accordingly is a work in process. It sucks, but I knew that it was coming. I am fine, but I wish that I did not fear my body betraying me again. </div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14847167064338953332noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4817851692898070515.post-90030424719667676452015-11-08T15:58:00.000-08:002015-11-08T15:58:13.017-08:00Day 277 - ArmsAnyone who has had lymph nodes removed is at risk for something called lymphedema. Lymphedema occurs when the lymphatic system cannot drain excess fluid, and it causes painful swelling, numbness, and reduced range of motion. Generally speaking, the more lymph nodes removed, the greater the risk for developing lymphedema. <br />
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I had 3 lymph nodes removed from under my left arm (out of probably 30ish) so my risk for developing lymphedema is low, but my doctors still request that I remain cautious with my left arm as strain or trauma can increase the chances of lymph-related complications. Part of that caution was taking it WAY easy on my upper body in the gym during radiation and for at least a month after. Being the good patient that I am, I took that advice and barely used my upper body at the gym. My trainers modified each workout for me to include very light upper body exercises or to avoid my upper body entirely.<br />
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Today was the first day that I really exercised my upper body since July 16 (the day before my surgery). Thankfully, it was a pretty light day in that department, but I did do pushups and some other exercises that I previously avoided for the first time today. I will surely be sore tomorrow, but it felt good to be able to participate in the workout without significant restrictions or modifications. <br />
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Slowly, slowly small pieces of life before cancer are starting to resurface, and I am happy to find them. I never know when I will find one of those pieces.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14847167064338953332noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4817851692898070515.post-21031881572226313592015-11-07T14:47:00.000-08:002015-11-07T14:47:20.628-08:00Day 276 - BullWe went to a festival at a local winery today. Before I go too much further, SC does not have the climate for wine. The only grapes that will grow are muscadine grapes that are super sweet and translate into sugary wine. We don't go to this winery for the wine, but their annual "Blessing of the Vines" festival is pretty fun. We don't go every year but make our way out there when the festival works for our schedule. We did have some wine while we were there, but it was only because no other booze was offered for sale.<br />
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This year's festival featured a mechanical bull. Bull rides were $5 and benefitted the local elementary school. Kind of funny since mechanical bulls really only belong in bars, but we went with it (as did a lot of other festival-goers). All walks of life rode the bull - a grandpa being cheered on by his grandkids, a bachelorette in a dress (we saw London, we saw France, we all saw her underpants), and Henry. <br />
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Henry is pretty much up for anything so he rode the mechanical bull with gusto. The operator took it easy on him until the end when he was promptly bucked off. The bachelorette in her dress and sash was a much better sport than I would have been in that situation. I would have told my friends to take a hike, but she begrudgingly rode the bull and flashed the festival. <br />
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Other than that, it was a very family-friendly event, and we had a lot of fun.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14847167064338953332noreply@blogger.com0