This blog has been great medicine for me. It has helped me organize my thoughts, recognize my feelings, and cope with my diagnosis and subsequent treatment. The blog has been an important part of the past 300 days, and I am grateful for this space. It's time to wrap it up, though. I actually felt ready to stop posting yesterday, but just couldn't end on Day 299 (I'm not that barbaric). It's Day 300, a perfect day to shut down shop.
I've learned so much over the past 300 days, some lessons that I could have gone a lifetime without knowing, but I've also learned some really valuable things. I'm not invincible, none of us are. That is something that I've always known, intellectually, but I got a really heavy dose of it this year. I'm surrounded by love and support, and I am so fortunate for that. This path has not been lonely for me as a family member or friend was always a phone call or even a room/couch length away. Some people turn in and hunker down when a major life event comes along, and that is fine. I reached out, though, and summoned the team. My team is incredible.
I appreciate my child more than I ever did. The love that I have for him is truly overwhelming. Yes, he pushes my buttons, and I lose my patience at times (I am only human after all), but I find myself more patient and more understanding than I once was. I still sneak into his room and kiss his sweet face every night before I go to bed, and I count my blessings every time I hear him laugh. He is utterly delightful, and I am so lucky to be his mom. I am not sure if he will ever understand the depth of my love for him, and that is ok. I know how deep my love runs.
I am so incredibly grateful for my husband. He has seen sides of me that neither of us knew existed and his love and caring has never waivered. He has, quite literally, picked me up when I was down and did everything in his power to help me in any and every way. He has felt incredibly helpless this year, but he has helped me more than he knows. Having a spouse with significant medical needs is not easy (I imagine), and he has worked hard to keep things afloat in our household. I love him so very much.
I could go on and on and on about all of the reasons that I have to be grateful and could mention what I love and cherish about each person in my life, but that would take forever. Hopefully those who I love know it as I've tried to be much more open with my feelings. Can anyone really hear how loved he/she is enough? I don't think so.
I don't know what the future holds (and I really never did), but I have a lot of hope for a long and healthy life. I will never know why cancer chose me. It will be one of the greatest mysteries of my life, but I know that I will work diligently to help others though my experience as I think that I have a lot to offer in that area. I hope that people will reach out to me for support and help and will offer my contact information to others who may need help. I will be one of the "cancer experts" in my circle, and that is ok as I can truly empathize.
Finally, thank you to all who have read my blog over the past 300 days. It was not always terribly uplifting, but it provided a real glimpse into my life which has been very challenging this year. I've experienced some of the lowest lows and some very high highs and have willingly shared them. Sharing this experience has been important to me, and I hope that anyone reading has been able to better understand where I've been on any given day. I appreciate you walking this road with me, and I am grateful for every single cheer, prayer, tear, bit of strength that you have sent my way. Those gestures and offers of support mean more than you will ever know.
Saying "thank you" seems insufficient to express my gratitude, but those are the words that I have.
