Monday, August 31, 2015

Day 208 - Ear

When Henry and I were at the pool on Saturday, I spent a lot of time swimming underwater to sneak up on him and pinch his little legs.  I was pretending to be a shark, and Henry was delighted by it.  I am paying for doing that a little bit, though. My ears are really full again, and I can relate it directly to going underwater in the pool. I guess I need to visit an ENT to find out why water can get into my ears but cannot get out.

In the meantime, I will continue my essential oil protocol that worked the last time my ears were really full and hope that it works again.  Oh well. Some minor ear discomfort was worth the fun that we had in the pool.  Nothing beats giggles and squeals of delight.

I talked to a reporter from the Wall Street Journal today.  She wanted to talk to breast cancer survivors who lean heavily on online support groups and social media to make treatment decisions.  I would not and did not say that I lean "heavily" on those groups, but I certainly did seek opinions and personal experiences from them.  She was particularly interested in learning whether or not social media swayed my surgical decision, and she was surprised to learn that it did not.  I would say that 9 women out of 10 in these groups recommend a bilateral mastectomy when it comes to surgery, and many are quite opinionated about it.

Many women are choosing mastectomy despite being candidates for breast conservation surgery, and some are asking why women are making that choice.  Here's an interesting article by the same reporter that I talked to today:
http://www.wsj.com/articles/defying-doctors-more-women-with-breast-cancer-choose-double-mastectomies-1436545322 

We'll see if she uses what I discussed with her today, but I am glad that I had the experience of talking with her.  It is important to me to be vocal about my experience in hopes that it will help someone else down the road.

Sunday, August 30, 2015

Day 207 - BFF

I have a new BFF (sorry to my current ones).  I met my new BFF at a friend's get together this afternoon, and she said to me "I've always wanted a short hair cut. What made you decide to go with a pixie style?"  That's right - she thought that my hair style was, in fact, a hair style and that it was also on purpose.

We're friends for life.  Hopefully I was not too awkward telling her that my hair was growing back after chemo. It did not seem to phase my new BFF, though, so I think we're good to go. I still think that my hair does not necessarily look like it is styled this way on purpose, but if others do, I'll take it!

The second highlight of my day was donning rain boots and jackets and splashing in puddles with Henry this afternoon.  It rained almost all day, and we were all a bit stir crazy so we just decided to go for it and play in the rain.


Saturday, August 29, 2015

Day 206 - Jump

We intended on going to the beach today but never quite made it there.  We had an extremely lazy  morning including movies, home made play dough, a big breakfast, and some playing.  At around 11am, our neighbors stopped by and said they were setting up a bounce castle in the yard. Well Henry is a fool for bounce castles so he was all in.  He jumped and jumped until he was a sweaty mess.  After a late lunch, it started to rain a little bit so we canned the beach plans entirely.

We hung around and waited out the rain with some dinosaur shows and toys.

Late afternoon, we went to the neighborhood pool with our neighbors and had a lot of fun. It was a bit overcast so I did not feel compelled to wear one of these:

Nothing like "Wholesome Wear" swim suits!
Ok, that may be a bit extreme, but I have been wearing a long sleeved rash guard over my suit when I am in the sun. Both chemo and radiation make skin more sun-sensitive so I am very cautious.  We had fun swimming and playing in the pool and will get out to the beach one day soon.

Friday, August 28, 2015

Day 205 - Favorite

Today was one of my favorites! I took the day off and had a true day of leisure.  Henry and I slept in a little bit (until 7), and we managed to drag ourselves out of the house at around 7:45 to get him to school.  Once I got home, I walked the dog, got cleaned up then met my friend Reagan at the spa. 

We both had spa services (hot stone massage for me) then went out to lunch.  Lunch was very leisurely and fun.  We were able to spend some rare time just talking and catching up.  It had been a while since we were able to spend some quality time, and I love the opportunities when we have them.

After lunch, I ran a quick errand, did a 6 minute conference call for work, stopped home to drop off some groceries and send a quick email then headed off to radiation.  The radiation department was running way behind because another patient was experiencing complications (not due to radiation but due to cancer) so he needed to go before me so that he could get right over to chemo.  That made my heart hurt.

Because I had to wait for quite a while, I was able to relax for a while and catch up with a woman named Vi who I met last week.  Vi had a friend with her today who is also a breast cancer survivor so the 3 of us had a lot to talk about.  I got my treatment and went back to the lounge area to wait for Vi to finish hers.  Today was her last radiation so I wanted to wait around to celebrate the end of radiation with her. The end of treatment is a big deal and deserves as many cheers as one can muster.  While Vi was getting her treatment, her friend (Annette) and I talked, and we both had each other in tears.  Annette touched my heart, and I am glad that I had the opportunity to talk to her today.

I saw Vi ring the bell (there is a big bell that patients get to ring for their last radiation), took a few pictures for her, exchanged contact information and headed on my way to get Henry.  Henry and I planned to go to the pool this evening, but the weather had other plans so we snuggled on the couch and watched movies. 

What a wonderful day.

Thursday, August 27, 2015

Day 204 - Train

I read Steam Train Dream Train to Henry before I put him to bed tonight.  It is one of my favorite books, and I got a little teary toward the end of it.  Reading that book reminded me of a simpler time. We were first introduced to that book last summer when we were on vacation with two other families in the Outer Banks.  One morning, I read that book to all 4 kids who were there.  It is a very cute book, and the cadence lends itself perfectly to a bedtime story.  

This trip was almost exactly one year ago, and we had no idea how simple and great things were. I miss that simplicity. Of course, there is no point in missing the past as it is just that - past.  I am ok with some occasional nostalgia, though, as I have so many wonderful memories that are worth revisiting often.  I've got a lot more memories to build and even have some great ones from the past 7 months despite struggles. 

I had lunch with a friend who also has TNBC today, and it was so wonderful to catch up with her.  She asked me if I still have moments of teariness, and I do.  They are fewer and further between than when I was first diagnosed, but they do still crop up on occasion.  In the interest of full disclosure, I had moments of teary nostalgia well before my cancer diagnosis.

Wednesday, August 26, 2015

Day 203 - Say

There are some days when I don't have much to say or don't really know what to say, and today is one of those.  All is fine..just not feeling particularly verbose today. Radiation continues to be uneventful though I was very tired this afternoon.  It's too soon to tell if I was tired from radiation or just plain tired. Time will tell I suppose.

I went to the gym for an evening class tonight, and it feels really good to be able to go back.  I have to take it WAY easy on my upper body so my lower body is getting the brunt of all exercises.  I am still sore from a trip to the gym on Sunday so tonight's class was especially painful.  That kind of pain is good though.  I embrace it and partially enjoy it. 

Tuesday, August 25, 2015

Day 202 - Parents

As I was putting Henry to bed last night, he launched into some of his standard stall tactics of needing water, the bathroom, another blanket, another stuffed animal, etc.  Once we got that out of the way, he started to ask me some pretty adorable questions.

Henry: Mom, will you and Dad always be my parents?
Me: Always and forever.
Henry: Even if we move to a different house?
Me: Even if we move to a different house.
Henry: Even when I am a grown up?
Me: Even when you are a grown up.
Henry: What if I want new parents one day?
Me: TOUGH.  You're stuck with us.
Henry: Peals of laughter.

It was a very funny conversation, and I love these little windows into his thoughts.

I am 6 radiation treatments in and am not having any problems so far. My radiated skin is starting to get a bit pink, and the doctor expects that will continue.  At first, my skin got pink, and the pinkness would fade overnight.  It's no longer fading, and that is fine and expected.  Hopefully some minor skin discoloration will be the extent of my radiation woes.

I had dinner with my Young Survival Coalition group tonight.  It was just me and one other woman, and it was nice to chat with her for a while.  She is a 7-year survivor and has had her ups and downs as we all have.  It is always good to hear someone else's perspective on things.

Monday, August 24, 2015

Day 201 - Escalate

I escalated my disgust with the "bobbleboobs" via social media today.  I did not do it to be a jerk or disparage our minor league baseball team, that we like a lot.  I did it to encourage organizations to think about the ramifications of their approach to breast cancer awareness.  As I said to a friend today, we should not be talking about "tatas" or "boobs."  We should be talking about lives.

The baseball team responded but did not apologize for being offensive or degrading.  I was disappointed by that, and voiced that disappointment.  It's unfortunate that 1,000 "bobbleboobs" made their way into the world, but I feel good about making my concerns known and doing my part.

As we near October, breast cancer awareness month, these types of things are going to be all over the place.  I recently saw a call for breast cancer survivors interested in being on the Steve Harvey Show.  The criteria for inclusion were: must be in good health, must be finished with treatment, and must be unhappy with reconstructive surgery that was done.  The show will be focused on "fixing" the look of breasts.  Certainly botched reconstruction should be addressed and fixed, but it should not be made into a spectacle.  Of course, there will always be a spectacle if there are willing participants.

On the flip side, I know someone who recently photographed women for the October edition of a major magazine. The magazine will focus on breast cancer from all angles - early stage, metastatic, women who have had reconstruction, and women who have chosen not to have reconstruction (and probably others).  I think that will be a very powerful piece, and I am looking forward to seeing it come October.

Sunday, August 23, 2015

Day 200 - Bobble

Day 200 is going to be a bit of a rant.  I found out that, as part of the breast cancer awareness portion of last night's Charleston Riverdogs baseball game, the team was giving out breast bobble heads (It was not really a bobble head since there was no head.  It was a pair of breasts in a pink bra that bobbled).  Our local newspaper featured a picture of the "bobbleboobs" as they were called.


I find this to be pretty offensive and am VERY glad that I did not participate as their token breast cancer survivor by throwing out the first pitch for last night's game.  Breast cancer is not cute.  It's not about "boobs."  It's a life-threatening illness.

Imagine the following - colon bobble heads, testicle bobble heads, liver bobble heads, lung bobble heads, ovary bobble heads, and brain bobble heads to bring "awareness" to cancers that affect those areas of the body.  You can't, right?  Maybe sports teams could hand out stuffed colostomy bags for colon cancer awareness.  Perhaps stores could sell stuffed bones for bone cancer awareness.

How ridiculous would all of those items be?  How ridiculous are "bobbleboobs?" Metastatic breast cancer kills approximately 108 women EACH DAY.  When breast cancer metastasizes, the "boobs" aren't even a factor anymore.  Breast cancer is only deadly when it leaves the "boob" and affects distant organs.  As I've said before, awareness has been achieved.  We are all aware of breast cancer.  Think how much could be done if organizations devoted time and financial resources to funding research instead of manufacturing stupid toys.

Saturday, August 22, 2015

Day 199 - Picture

Henry has started asking to use my phone to take pictures.  He'll line up his giraffes and snap their pics and will take pictures of the dog, Mike, and me.  It's pretty funny because he really concentrates hard.  He snagged a good one of Mike and me at the farmers market this morning.


The angle of the picture does not show my major hair growth, but it's a cute picture regardless.  We had a wonderful day celebrating my father-in-law's birthday and just spending time together.

Friday, August 21, 2015

Day 198 - Pitch

Earlier today, I was offered the opportunity to throw out the first pitch at tomorrow night's Charleston Riverdogs minor league baseball game.  Apparently United Healthcare is sponsoring some kind of breast cancer awareness at the game, and a friend who I met through my TNBC Facebook group remembered that I live in Charleston so asked me if I wanted to do it. I think she knows someone who works for the baseball team.

I said no.  I am not exactly sure why I said no, but I think that I did because it's just not my nature to be so "out there."  I was afraid that it would be embarrassing and that I would kind of suck at throwing the pitch.  The fear of not throwing the pitch well was probably the biggest driving force behind my answer.

In hindsight, it probably would have been a fun experience, but it's pretty far outside of my comfort zone.  I am what a psychologist would call a high-self monitor or what I would call self-conscious.  That's not a dig on myself.  It's just self-awareness.

I've completed week 1 of radiation and all went well.  5 more to go!

My mother-in-law and I went to see Trainwreck tonight, and it was SO funny.  SO inappropriate but really hilarious.  We both laughed pretty hard.



Thursday, August 20, 2015

Day 197 - Wax

I got my eyebrows waxed today.  One might think that I would not be excited to re-enter the world of painful facial hair removal, but I AM.  I am so excited that I needed to get my eyebrows waxed, and boy did I need to get them cleaned up.  They were starting to grow like weeds.

The woman who I see for that (what do you call a professional waxer anyway) was SO nice to me.  I had not seen her in a long time, and it was nice to catch up. She would not let me pay for the service either.  I cried (of course) and thanked her profusely.  It was a good reintroduction into the world of hair maintenance.

I had my 3rd radiation treatment this afternoon and am starting to get into the groove.  I did have a bit of a strange experience yesterday.  I was in the machine, topless, and a tech that I had never met came in and started taking pictures (that sounds bad, but they take pictures of the setup so that they get it right every time) and drawing some new marks on me. He did not utter a hello or introduce himself.  I have to turn my head to the right when I am positioned in the machine, and he was on my left side so I could not even see him very well.  I found that to be a bit odd and unfriendly so I made sure to say hi to him and get his name on the way out so that I can make a point to say hi to him moving forward. 

I know that this is purely business for them, but it is not for me.  It's intimidating and super strange so I expect people to be nice to me. Today, he was very friendly and chatty so I suppose that I just needed to break the ice.  Maybe he sees a lot of grumpy patients, but I am not one of them.

Wednesday, August 19, 2015

Day 196 - Stickers

My chest is covered in blue marks and stickers (tegaderm).  I got some new ones today while they were lining me up for my treatment.  I have at least 8 of them between the middle of my chest and under my left arm.  One of the techs was putting more on this afternoon right on my side under my arm, and it tickled so bad.  I had to be perfectly still, and it was hard.

After my radiation session was over, a different tech said that he saw me wincing while those marks/stickers were being placed. I laughed and told him that I am so ticklish and that I was wincing because I was concentrating on not moving.  He laughed but probably thinks that I am a bit odd.

The radiation department was running on time today so I was only gone for 1 hour this afternoon which was very nice.  I hope that them being on time will be the norm so that radiation is as easy as possible to fit into my schedule.

Tuesday, August 18, 2015

Day 195 - Zap

Radiation #1 is history!  My wonderful mother-in-law came with me, and we arrived at the cancer center a few minutes after 3.  Since we had a few minutes before my scheduled appointment, I showed her around a little bit and introduced her to one of the receptionists in my oncologist's office who I always enjoy chatting with. It may seem strange to show someone around the cancer center, but it's been a pretty big part of my life over these past 6 months so I wanted to give her a brief tour.

My radiation appointment is scheduled for 3:15 every day.  I was called back almost immediately today, was told that they were running about 30 minutes behind schedule, and that I was going to see the doctor for a few minutes first.  Ok.  The doctor will see me once a week so starting on day 1 seemed like a good idea to me.  Kathy came in with me and got to meet my radiation oncologist and chat with me while I waited.

The tech that I spoke with on Sunday during my radiation dry run told me to keep my skin very dry and steer clear of lotions and creams unless I need them.  That sounded a bit wrong to me, and the doctor confirmed that it was wrong.  She encouraged me to keep that area very well-conditioned and recommended some lotions for me to try.  Interesting that I was told two different things there, but I'll go with the doctor's advice.  The gift shop in the cancer center sells a variety of lotions for radiation so we picked up a highly recommended one on the way out.  I'll give it a shot, and will try something else if I don't like it.

After I saw the doctor and waited for a little while, we were walked back to the women's lounge (sounds so spa-like) where we waited some more.  On non-doctor days, I will go straight to the women's lounge, disrobe up top, put on a shirt-gown, and wait for the radiation tech to come and get me.

I was walked back to the radiation room, got on the table and was moved around a little bit and lined up according to the stickers and markings on my skin.  They took a few images to make sure that everything was perfect, the doctor came in to double check, and the zapping commenced.  The actual zapping took very little time.  I am radiated from two different angles, and each one took less than 20 seconds.  There is a buzzing sound (much like you hear when getting an x-ray) while the actual radiation is being administered so it was a bit unnerving but only lasted for a few seconds.

I swear that I could feel some kind of tingling feeling on my skin, but the techs insisted that the feeling was in my head. We'll see.  I shouldn't feel anything, but I really think that I did.  1 treatment down, 32 left to go. I will say that I hope that they are not running that far behind on a consistent basis.  If they are, I am going start bring working with me.

Henry helped me celebrate my first treatment this afternoon.

1 link gone, and LOOK AT MY HAIR!! 

Monday, August 17, 2015

Day 194 - Brow

My eyebrows are growing back in with a vengeance.  They seem to have sprouted up overnight, and I am thrilled that they are making their way back.  I actually think that I already need some professional help in managing them so that they fill in nicely vs. caterpillar-like.

Mike also said that he could tell that my hair grew more in the 5 days that he was gone last week.  That makes me very happy and leads me to believe that I will have full scalp coverage soon.  Coverage is all that I really care about as it relates to my hair at this point.  I am sure that I will start to care about actual hairstyles shortly thereafter, but I'll take looking less bald for now.

My hair is baby soft right now, and I wonder if it will stay that way or coarsen up a little bit over time.  The color has also started to darken some, but there are some very light strands that appear to be grey/white.  So many changes!

Big day tomorrow - the third and final phase of treatment begins.  33 radiation sessions, here I come.

Sunday, August 16, 2015

Day 193 - The Machine

I met the radiation machine for the first time today.  My mapping session did not take place in the actual radiation machine so I had not seen it until this morning.  The machine is much larger than I anticipated and is somewhat intimidating.
The downtown twin of the machine that I will be using. 
I had to go downtown for my radiation dry run at 9 this morning.  My daily radiation treatments will take place at the cancer center near my house, but I had to go downtown for the dry run.  I can only assume that they do these appointments over the weekend because the schedule during the week is so jam-packed.  The hospital was a ghost town this morning, and it was a bit strange to be there.

The two techs who were working this morning got me situated on the table that slides under the radiation machine, slid me in and used the machine to take some images of the left side of my chest and under my left arm.  I had a lot of images taken during my mapping session a week and a half ago using a different machine, but the techs explained that they like to take images pretty regularly so that they are sure to aim the radiation beam in the exact right location. I can appreciate that.  Precision is important.

Once they got the images that they needed, they drew a few more marks on my chest and covered them in tegaderm stickers and told me that I was all set.  Apparently everything lined up to their liking and they deemed me fit for radiation.

After my radiation dry run, my mom and I took Henry to play in the fountains in Charleston's Waterfront Park for a little while. He had a great time, and it was fun to watch him having so much fun.  Once Henry had his fill of the fountains, we stopped for breakfast, ran a few errands and came home to relax for the afternoon.

My mom headed out at around 1:45, and Mike got home at 3.  Mike went to Virginia on Wednesday to play in a friend's country club golf tournament so my mom came down to keep Henry and me company over the weekend.  My mother-in-law came back with Mike to spend the week with us, and my father-in-law will join us mid-week.  Henry eats up all of the attention from his grandparents, and I love having them here.

Saturday, August 15, 2015

Day 192 - Full

Today was incredibly full and incredibly incredible.  My mom came into town yesterday evening, and  we packed today with fun activities.  Henry had a swimming lesson first thing this morning, and he is really starting to put all of the swimming skills that he has learned together and actually swim.  He's been seeing the same instructor (who we love) since he was a baby, and she is so great with him. It is very fun to watch.

After swimming, we went to the SS Yorktown to see the ship and the aircraft that it houses.  We've only been there a few times, and it is always a hit.  The ship itself is fascinating and gigantic, and the aircraft are magic for Henry. There is a flight simulator on board as well as a capsule from one of the Apollo missions which was my favorite part.  I am a space nerd and love seeing NASA relics.  We had lunch on the ship then headed home to relax for a little bit.

This afternoon, we caught up with my aunt, uncle and cousins who are in town on vacation for an aquarium trip and an early dinner after.  Henry adores them (as do I), and looks forward to seeing them every time they are in town. They dote on him, and he totally eats it up.

I have a feeling that Henry, my mom and I will all sleep very soundly tonight.

Friday, August 14, 2015

Day 191 - Elbow

This one of my favorite memes currently floating around Cancerland:

And man, does it illustrate how easy it is to get spun up over an ache or pain.  Over the past week or two, I have had what I would call a sensation in the right side of my abdomen.  It's not a pain, not even a discomfort. Just a "humm...that feels like it could be a cramp one day."  I would describe it as though I am about to get a stitch in my side from exercising but then don't.  It's a mild feeling.

I've spent way more time obsessing over this mild feeling than anyone ever should, and spent a bit too much time on the internet as it relates to said mild feeling too.  But, the upper right side of the abdomen hold some important organs - liver, pancreas, gallbladder (can do without this one but can be problematic), and I could not let go of the fact that something could be wrong.

I called my surgeon's office yesterday and asked if I could get an abdominal ultrasound.  He agreed and scheduled one for me for this morning because your stomach has to be empty and your gallbladder has to be full in order to see anything.  (little tidbit)  So I went to the hospital at 10:15 and had the ultrasound done.

The ultrasound tech could not tell me anything because she is not allowed but said that the radiologist would read the report and send it to my doctor within 24-48 hours.  Negative.  24-48 hours is way too far away.  I called my surgeon's nurse on my way home from the hospital and asked if she could put a little spin on the ball and get my results earlier.  She said that she would try and would call me back.  She never called me back so I called the office again before they closed and reached my doctor.

"Your ultrasound was totally normal. I think you need to relax a little."

I think that I need to relax a little too and will do so happily now that I know that the ultrasound is normal.  I honestly knew that it would be normal, but I needed to have it done anyway for my own peace of mind.

Part of me feels a little silly even admitting that I was so freaked out, but only a little part. This is reality for someone who has been in my shoes.  Aches, pains, or even mild sensations are disconcerting.  I'll learn the balance between listening to my body/being vigilant and overreacting.  This one happened to be an overreaction, and I am glad that it was.

Thursday, August 13, 2015

Day 190 - Disclaimer

Disclaimer - this post is not a fish for compliments nor is it meant to be self-deprecating.

As soon as I got Henry tucked into bed last night, our door bell rang.  It was around 8:15, and I was already in my pajama pants and t-shirt because I got soaked during a post-school/work water balloon fight.  I would normally not answer the door that late (it was starting to get dark) unless I was expecting someone, but I saw that the person standing on the other side was a 12 (ish)-year old kid holding a box of chocolate bars.

Bless his heart.  He was probably not expecting to see a bald woman in floral pajama pants on the other side of the door.  He stammered through his chocolate bar sales pitch, and I felt horrible because I had no cash to support his soccer team fundraiser (Seriously, never rob me.  You would be so disappointed). I told him to please come back over the weekend, and I would buy a few bars, but I have a feeling that I won't be getting a return visit from him.  He seemed pretty freaked out.

I say this because I often forget about what I currently look like.  I've not been too bothered by my appearance, for the most part, and forget that it can be jarring to others at times.  I was talking to my therapist at my last appointment and telling her how excited I am that my hair is starting to come back.  I think that I said something along the lines of "you know, I had long thick hair...oh wait, you don't know that." She's one of few who has never seen me with hair and said that it often takes her some time to get used to patients' appearances when hair starts to come back.  Kind of funny since I am sure that it has taken others some time to get used to me without hair.

I think that I made someone else uncomfortable recently too. I was at a restaurant waiting to meet some friends, and a woman near me kept complimenting the jewelry that I was wearing to the point that it made me uncomfortable.  She wanted to talk to me, but I think that she did not quite know what to say to me so was over-doing it on the jewel comments.  I finally said to her "well, when you don't have hair, you make up for it in other ways."  Damn. I said it nicely, but my I think that my comment backfired there. She didn't quite know what to say after that.  I felt kind of badly, but I would have rather her just asked what was going on if she wanted to talk to me vs. making small talk about my earrings and necklace.

The bottom line is that I am mostly comfortable with my current appearance though I am VERY excited for my hair to come back, but I hate that it makes others uncomfortable or act awkwardly sometimes. I am mainly sorry that it made the boy trying to sell chocolate bars uncomfortable. Hopefully he will come back so that I can, at least, support the soccer team.

Entirely unrelated, I picked Henry up from school yesterday, and a little girl in his class said "bye, Henry. I will miss."  Then this morning, when I took Henry to school a different girl said "Henry!  I missed you so much."  Oh boy.

Wednesday, August 12, 2015

Day 189 - Wildlife

Our neighborhood borders a swamp so we've had our share of wildlife encounters over the years.  There are alligators in the neighborhood ponds, wild boars in the woods (I've never seen one personally), deer, foxes, snakes, lizards, and frogs to name a few.  All mostly keep to themselves with a few exceptions.  We've had to deal with a few snakes over the years, and those dealings are probably the most harrowing.  The scariest snake that crossed our path was a 3-foot rattlesnake that Mike spied on his way home from the grocery store. He was driving down the street and saw it slither across the road and into our next door neighbors' driveway.  You can't really leave a rattlesnake to its own devices so we all huddled to try to figure out how to get rid of it and came to the conclusion that our neighbor should run it over with his truck.  That did not work. The snake was very much alive and very much angry.  As we were trying to figure out what to do next, a very outdoorsy (thankfully) neighbor drove down the street. He got a shovel, cut off the snake's head, showed all of the kids (and me) its fangs, and took it home to skin (seriously). There was quite and audience by that point, and most people wanted to see the snake.

There have been other snakes that have probably been harmless that met a similar fate.  One small one made its way into our garage last week, and he had to go.  One was on a chair on our porch one day, and a friend took pity on him and managed to get him to the woods alive.  Mike is NOT a fan of snakes so their destiny is often left to me or neighbors who take pity on me. During the rattlesnake incident of 2013, Mike remained a good 400 feet away from the action.  I can't really blame him.  That snake was scary.

Our area is home to many tree frogs and lizards that sometimes make it into our house.  It's not always easy to get them back out, and sometimes we don't even see them come in.  I opened the door this afternoon to water some plants on our front porch, and a large lizard ran right into the house.  I was alone and determined to get him out.  My motivation was two-fold: I did not want him to die, and I did NOT want him to crawl across me during the night.  So I opened all doors in the house and got two cups and tried to scoop him up and/or chase him out.  I finally got him into the garage, opened the garage door and left the rest to him.  Hopefully he found his way out, but I really did all that I could do.  Lizards, are harmless, but I still did not want to touch him or have him crawl across my feet.  I am sure that it was quite the site.

The tree frogs are wonderful. After a big rain, they create the most magical symphony.  I often go outside just to listen to them. Frogs are my favorite, and I love that so many of them live in the eaves of our front porch. I go look at them almost every night.

Tuesday, August 11, 2015

Day 188 - Well

"I am glad to see that you're doing so well."  One of my cousins said that to me as he (and several other family members) left my house after dinner this evening.  It was so nice of him to say that, and it is so nice to be able to agree with him.  I am doing so well.  Yes, I have my moments; moments when my mind gets away from me or moments when I still wonder if all of this really has happened (it has).  Mostly, though, I am well. 

Currently, my mind is my worst enemy.  I over-analyze everything that is going on with my body, and that is a very normal part of being where I am in this process. Both my surgeon and my oncologist have warned me about this time-period, and both have been right.  My surgeon said it well as we were chatting during my port removal "when you are getting chemo, you attribute all aches and pains to chemo.  After chemo is when the worry kicks in."  He's right.  During chemo, everything was blamed on chemo.

All cancer survivors (bar none) say that these feelings and worries get better with time.  I believe them and will give myself time to heal in all aspects.  I certainly do not expect for my body to bounce back right away and must have the same realistic expectations for my mind.

As I said above, we had a bunch of family members over for dinner tonight, and it was so much fun.  We shared a lot of stories and had a lot of laughs, just as any family gathering should be. Henry ate up the extra attention that he received, as he tends to do.  It was a great night all around.

Monday, August 10, 2015

Day 187 - Free

I have absolutely no appointments this week, and it feels so nice!  So free.  I am going to make up for it with upcoming daily radiation appointments, but I will take the freedom while I can.

I'd really like to make some appointments to go to the gym, but I am not quite there yet.  I am still healing from both my surgery and port removal but may be able to go next week if I take it easy while I am there.  One of my favorite trainers actually sent me a text today to check in and see when I would be back.  It was very nice of him and makes me want to go back even more.

I am afraid that my blog has been a bit boring lately, but boring is GOOD.  I want a lot of boring.  Once radiation starts, I will surely have more to say.

Speaking of radiation, I am thinking of ways to count down the treatments.  I have to do 33 total treatments and can't decide if I should do a traditional paper chain (think elementary school) or be more "this decade" and take a picture every day.  Radiation is still very much a part of my active treatment plan (though I hope that it is very uneventful) so I feel the need to mark it somehow.

Sunday, August 9, 2015

Day 186 - Instant

I've said this before, and I will say it again.  Life can change in an instant.  It can change in a phone call, in an appointment, in a conversation, during a drive.  A drive ended the life of someone that Mike used to work with at Kiawah early on Saturday morning.  Mike did not know the guy terribly well, but he remembers talking to him about a year ago after his second child was born as he was bemoaning his newborn's sleeping patterns.

His name was Michael Townsend, and he was 32-years old.

No one really knows the circumstances of this man's passing (nor would they change anything), but he was driving down a dark and heavily-wooded road at around 3:00 on Saturday morning when he crashed. I've driven this road often as it is the main way to get to Kiawah and frequently note how close the trees are to the road.  He leaves behind two children, a wife, and (surely) countless other loved ones.

This kind of news hurts.  It hurts to learn that a life was cut short in an instant. This has been heavy on our minds and hearts since we learned about it this morning, and we've been thinking about him and his family all day.


Saturday, August 8, 2015

Day 185 - Ballgame

Charleston has a minor league baseball team called the Riverdogs.  We went to a few games last summer but had not been yet this year until tonight.  We've got some family in town, and they invited us to go to the Riverdogs' game with them to celebrate my cousin's 15th birthday.  I couldn't begin to tell you who was winning the game when we left, but we had a wonderful time.  It was great to catch up with family that we had not seen in months, and Henry is so enamored with his older cousins.

We let Henry stay up way past his bedtime, and he was basically drunk from exhaustion on the drive home.  Mike and I were cracking up over his non-stop talking and the words that were coming out of his mouth.

Earlier in the day, I took Henry to a local attraction called Bee City.  Bee City is in a very rural area about 45 min away from our house, and it has a small petting zoo and bee hives.  We walked around and fed some monkeys, llamas, cows, goats, and birds.  It was an interesting place, and we both enjoyed seeing the animals.

Great Saturday!

Friday, August 7, 2015

Day 184 - Laughter

I try to fill my days with as much laughter as possible, and I have always been that way.  Sometimes I laugh when I am uncomfortable, sometimes when I am nervous, sometimes amid tears, but most of the time I laugh with joy.

I laughed a lot today.  Henry's school was closed again so he and Mike did a bunch of random things throughout the day and spent some time at home.  I walked the dog during my lunch break, and Henry asked if he could come with us on his bike.  He's a decent  bike rider, but I will not let him out of my sight because he does not always pay attention to cars on the road (kind of a problem).  Because I was slower on foot than he on wheels, I gave him boundaries in the form of mailboxes.  I let him get ahead of me by 5 mailboxes at a time, and he accepted his boundaries with gusto.  He would count each mailbox that he passed at the top of his lungs, and I laughed heartily during each chorus of "ONE...TWO...THREE...FOUR...FIVE."

His enthusiasm is contagious and just delightful. 

Thursday, August 6, 2015

Day 183 - Allergy

I think that chemo kept me from suffering from allergies in the spring.  I've had horrible seasonal allergies for as long as I can remember, but the pollen did not affect me at all this year.  I can only attribute it to chemo (a perk, perhaps).  I am making up for it now, though.

I am not experiencing nose issues, but my ears are giving me all kinds of problems.  I saw a doctor for my ears last week, and she said "I can tell that you have chronic allergies. You've got fluid in your ears that will go away eventually."  She also suggested that my ear pressure/fulness could be related to chemo, but I highly doubt it.  I'm all for blaming things on chemo, but I don't think it is the culprit in this situation.

That doctor's advice was not terribly helpful, and I am not one to wait around for "eventually" so I have been trying a few things to try to relieve the pressure in my ears.  I was taking Zyrtec but hated how it made me feel so have moved to more natural remedies.  I've been trying some massage techniques and a selection of essential oils.  I cannot feel a difference yet but endeavor to keep trying.

If my home remedies do not work, I suppose that I will go see an ENT, but I don't really want to add another doctor to my rolodex.

Other than my fascinating tales of allergy-related issues, today was pretty low-key.  Henry's school was closed today and is closed again tomorrow to prepare for the new school year that starts on Monday so Mike and Henry spent the day together.  They cashed in on the water park rain check from last weekend and had a good time playing at the water park.

Wednesday, August 5, 2015

Day 182 - Couple

My surgeon is a very considerate person and always asks about Mike/Henry, my job, and how I am doing in general.  When I saw him on Monday for my port removal, he asked how Mike was doing with everything.  I said that he is mostly fine, but I know that there have been some tough days for Mike. He feels pretty helpless as it relates to me, and I know that "helpless" is a very difficult feeling.  As he was walking out, the doctor said "I am glad that you are both doing well.  This is a very hard thing to experience as a couple."

I found those words to be so touching and so true.  A serious medical diagnosis is a difficult thing to experience as an individual, and it is difficult for those when those who love me to experience it too.  Mike has been in trenches with me the most, and has seen the good, the bad, and the ugly.  He held my hand the first time that my port was accessed because I was so scared that it would hurt. He had to pull me off of the floor when I almost passed out.  He has seen me fall asleep on the couch at 5:00pm..the moment that I finished work.  He shaved my head when I was finally ready. He tucked me into bed on nights when I could hardly walk up the stairs and get ready for bed. He has seen me laugh, cry, and scream more since February than he ever has. 

Mike has also been the first to celebrate my MANY victories with me.  That has been the best part.  It has been so fun to share good news with him, and I have had a lot of it.  When I got the news of my PCR, his relief was so evident that I could almost feel it.

This year has certainly challenged us as a couple in so many ways, and we are going to come out stronger together because of it.  Yes, a cancer diagnosis has been a very hard thing to experience together, but we are doing ok..just another item to add to the list of things for which I am very grateful. 

Tuesday, August 4, 2015

Day 181 - Mapping

I had my radiation planning/mapping session today, and it's not much to write about, but I will do my best.  I basically spent the whole time in a scanning machine, and two techs moved me around, drew on me, took some pictures, and I had a scan (CT scan I think).  My radiation oncologist came in for a few minutes to say hi, put some stickers on my chest, complimented me on my excellent pathology report again, and headed out.  It was a very strange experience.

Now that they have my scan, they will spend some time over the next week or so planning out my radiation based on the scan that they did today.  I go back on Sunday, August 16 for a dry run during which I will go in the radiation machine but will not actually receive any radiation.  I have marks on my chest that will be used to help position me properly for radiation.  They just used a marker on my skin and covered the marks with some tegaderm (waterproof stickers) so that they stay put.  If the marks start to come off, I may have to get some small tattoos, but the marks should be sufficient.

My radiation will start on Tuesday, August 18, and I will go at 3:15 every day.  If radiation is administered on Labor Day, I will finish on October 1.  If it is not administered on Labor Day, I will finish on October 2.  I appreciate the radiation oncology department's commitment to getting me started as soon as possible so that I can travel at the end of October.

I anticipate that radiation will be fairly easy but not without some side effects.  People report some skin changes as well as fatigue.  I don't know that I've experienced actual fatigue so am not sure what to expect there. Yes, I have had days in which I can hardly move from being tired, but they are single days, not multiple days or weeks.  I suppose that I will know when/if fatigue hits.

I saw my therapist this afternoon, and it was such a great appointment.  I was thrilled to tell her ALL of the good news that I have received since I saw her last.  She was so happy for me, and I appreciate her enthusiasm on my behalf.  We had a great appointment and may consider scaling back the frequency of the sessions in the next month to 6 weeks depending on how things are going.

After my therapist appointment, I went to the spa!  One of my brothers got me a gift certificate to a spa at a very swanky hotel after my last chemo, and I had what they call a top to toe massage.  It was a 25 minute scalp/neck massage and a 25 minute foot massage.  It was the best massage I have ever had.  The head/neck part incorporated hot stones, and it was incredible.  I love massages, in general, but can't have a full body massage right now because of my surgery/port removal so chose the scalp and foot massage and am so glad that I did.

I am ready to get started with radiation but will enjoy this next week and a half with no doctor appointments.

Monday, August 3, 2015

Day 180 - De-Ported

My port came out at around 2:30 this afternoon!  The port removal was an in-office procedure which was good and bad.  It was good that I did not have to be put under general anesthesia, even better that I did not have to go to the hospital, and really great that my surgeon was particularly chatty (for him) so that I was somewhat distracted during the procedure.

The bad is that I could see and feel (to an extent) what was going on, and that was pretty freaky.  I was numbed with several shots lidocaine so nothing hurt, other than a stitch or two, but I could hear some cutting and feel some tugging.  Yikes. Thankfully, the procedure was quick, and I was distracted enough.

Once the port came out, my doctor stitched me up with dissolvable stitches, put a few bandages on and sent me on my way.  The bandages can come off on Wednesday, and the stitches will dissolve when they're good and ready I guess.  I took a picture of the port but declined the option to take it home with me.  I was pretty attached to it (both literally and figuratively), but I do not want it in my life anymore.  I'll refrain from posting the picture but am happy to text or email it to any interested parties.

At one point, I was afraid to take my port out.  This is pretty warped, but I thought that taking it out would be a bad omen.  As in, if I took it out, I would need it again, but if I left it in, I would not need it.  Kind of a strange way of thinking.  I don't think that way anymore, though.  I am glad that it is out.

I am pretty sore from the procedure and may take one of my prescription pain pills before bed.  Getting that was such a huge milestone.  I was so grateful to have the port because it saved my veins from getting trashed by chemo, and it made things relatively easy during my treatments.  I am even more grateful to have it out. My surgeon reminded me that there are some who never get their ports removed and some who never stop chemo. 

I am one of the lucky ones, and I never take that for granted.

Sunday, August 2, 2015

Day 179 - Brunch

Henry and I had brunch with my young survival coalition group today, and it was a lot of fun. Mike was also invited, but he wanted to go hit golf balls instead. I met several new ladies, and we all had a great time chatting.  All 4 of us who were there go to the same oncologist so we were able to share stories about experiences we have had. 

We all had somewhat different diagnoses and treatments, but we're all club members so can totally relate.  Another member of the group brought her 8-year old daughter so she latched onto Henry, and they kept each other entertained very nicely.  I should have paid her for her babysitting services!  

Henry also had a swimming lesson this morning, and it was his best lesson yet.  He is working on slowing down his swim strokes so that he gets more traction and is not as frantic, and he was almost there by the end of the 30-min session. We go back in 2 weeks for another lesson. 

The weekends always seem to go by so fast, and I've got a big week on tap - port removal, radiation mapping, and a counseling session.  

Saturday, August 1, 2015

Day 178 - Water Park

I took Henry to his best friend's birthday party today.  It was at the water park near us, and we had a lot of fun despite some weather woes.  The forecast was suspect, and the park did end up closing due to storms, but Henry and his buddy were able to play for at least an hour before the weather drove us away.  I had a feeling that the weather was about to take a turn for the worse so Henry and I made a dash for the big slides to try to go at least one time.  We were sitting in the float at the top of the slide when the lifeguard told us that the park was closing so we did not get to go. Henry handled it surprisingly well.

We had to leave the park but were able to take the party to some nearby covered picnic tables so that we could have some cupcakes with the birthday boy.  Henry is always up for a party/time with his friends, and today was no exception.

After we got home, we did a few things around the house and had some down time. We are in the process of decluttering so there is aways a drawer, closet or shelf to go through and figure out what can be thrown away or donated.  It feels good to get rid of unwanted items sometimes.  I need to go through my clothes, and there are boxes and boxes of Henry's old clothes in the attic that need some kind of attention.  That is a daunting task!