I've booked a few more work trips - a very quick one in December and a more extensive one for January. I am doing my very very best to return to a more "normal" way of functioning. (What is normal anyway?) I feel well, both physically and emotionally and am operating accordingly.
There have been times over the past year when I would have been afraid to try to find some normalcy. After all, I was living my normal life when my diagnosis hit me out of the blue. It's hard to explain, but there have been time when I was afraid that someone else would hit out of the blue if I got back to a more "normal" way of life. Those thoughts still sneak in on occasion, but I am better at identifying them as unfounded and irrational. That thought process may not make any sense, but I've been there.
Fear creeps in, and fear hits me at the strangest times, but I will not allow fear to rule my life. It takes regular effort to keep the fear at bay, but the effort is worth it.
I put the word normal in quotation marks in this post because, I will never get back to where I was. I am ok with that because an attempt to do so would be an exercise in futility. Life has changed. It happens. Change happened to me in a very profound and jarring way, and I will never be the same.
Work travel was part of my pre-cancer landscape so it makes sense that it is going to be part of the post-treatment world.
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