Wednesday, November 25, 2015

Day 294 - Angst

A member of one of my Facebook groups was diagnosed with TNBC during the first trimester of her second pregnancy (I am pretty sure that I have referenced her before).  She had a mastectomy first since she could not receive chemo until her second trimester.  She had chemo while pregnant...I truly cannot imagine.  Because she had surgery first, she does not know how well her tumor responded to chemo.  She could have had a complete response or she may not have, but she will never know.

She is so filled with angst.  All of her posts are her panicking about one symptom or another.  Today, she is worried about a rash that she has on her chest and is wondering if she has skin mets.  Since I've "known" her, she has had a multitude of tests to check various symptoms that she has experienced.  My heart breaks for her.  She is in therapy, on medication and actually tries to stay away from the Facebook groups as much as she can.  I wish that there was something that any one of us could say to make her feel better, but there is not.  She is continually waiting for the other shoe to drop, and I hope and pray that it never does. 

In her post today about her fear of skin mets, someone had a really great response to her.  She said something along the lines of "Stop spending your time thinking about the worst case scenario.  I was re-diagnosed as stage 4 about a year after my treatment ended, and I am glad that I did not spend my cancer-free year in a state of panic."  That is good advice and advice that can be applied across so many situations.  

Stop being so concerned about what the future may or may not hold because you will miss out on some great days.  I love that advice and try to apply it to my own life.  We do not know what the future will bring (with anything) so we should enjoy what we have and stop either wishing or fearing life away. 

My therapist and I have talked about this subject on a few occasions, and the comment from my group member really drove that point home.  She has great perspective, and I am glad that she took the time to share it. I hope that her medical team is able to keep the beast at bay for her for a long long time (a wish that I have for everyone impacted by this disease).

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