Obviously, radiation and chemotherapy are different types of treatment, but I was not prepared for the emotional differences between the two experiences. I cannot believe that I am saying this, but chemo is a better experience emotionally than radiation. Hear me out.
During chemo, the patient is either in a communal area or in a room in which nurses are regularly coming in and out. The patient is fully clothed, able to move freely within the tethers of the IV system, able to look around, can bring someone else to keep him/her company, and has the choice of whether or not he/she wants to interact with others. While I received chemo, I had some great conversations (and some not so great ones) with fellow patients, my nurses, family, friends, and even with some colleagues.
Radiation, on the other hand, is a very solitary experience. The patient is often partially clothed, unable to move, has to look in a certain direction, and cannot be accompanied by anyone else. Treatments are very fast and are carefully scheduled so it is important to move people in and out when possible. Sure, the techs are friendly, and there is an opportunity to see other patients and say a quick hello, but the sense of community does not exist in the radiation oncology office as it does in the medical oncology office.
Trust me when I tell you, I DO NOT MISS CHEMO, but this new atmosphere has been a little jarring with its differences. I've made a few connections during my radiation treatments and have had the opportunity to talk to some really great people, but the atmosphere is entirely different.
I've never been one to seek out the company of large groups of people. I tend to do better in small groups or in one-on-one situations, and that has not changed. I still don't feel particularly comfortable in large groups, but I find myself needing company now more than I once did. I used to be fine keeping to myself in unfamiliar or temporary situations, but I crave interaction right now. I'm "that person" who tries to make friends wherever she goes right now (which is not necessarily a bad thing, just different for me). Perhaps that will change as I get further from my diagnosis and treatment, but perhaps not. Has cancer made me more friendly?!
Radiation is very fast, thankfully, but the cumulative time spent in that office will likely be comparable to that of the time spent in chemo. I'll take a less fulfilling emotional experience over chemo side effects any day of the week, but the differences are notable.
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