I saw my oncologist today, and he used the "c" word during my appointment. Cure. I have heard, anecdotally, that many oncologists will not use that word, but mine did, liberally, today. Now, he did not say "you're cured." He said that we should all consider surgery to be my "curative event." No one knows if chemo alone can cure breast cancer because it is always preceded by or followed by surgery. Even those who do have a complete response from chemo still have something removed during surgery, and there are some types of breast cancer that are not chemo-sensitive at all. Non-invasive breast cancer (DCIS) can only be cured via surgery, and there are some studies out there that show that surgery may not always be necessary for that type of breast cancer as it can just stay put. And actually, if there is any cancer left at surgery, I hope that it is DCIS and not IDC (invasive).
My oncologist also said "after surgery, we will consider you to be cured indefinitely unless there is very very compelling evidence otherwise. You should take that 'unless,' put it in a closet, shut the door and never open it." Easy for him to say (though no part of his job can be easy). I like the way that he thinks, and I like that he is encouraging me to think that way even more.
We also talked about some of the "benefits" (and boy do I use that term loosely) to having triple negative breast cancer. The main one is that the recurrence window is much shorter than other types of breast cancer. If it comes back, it comes back within a few years vs. other types that can recur 15-20 years out. That will, undoubtedly, lead to some tension over the next few years, but that will lessen with time as the wrecking ball does not hang over our (TNBC) heads as long as it does for some others.
It will take time to heal both emotionally and physically from this, but I will take all of the time that I need. I am giving myself the opportunity to truly heal, and part of how I do that is to show my vulnerability through this blog and through conversations.
I had 3 really great conversations with other patients at my doctor's office today (they were running way behind so I had a lot of time to chat). I ran into a woman who I have seen regularly over the past 5 months. She's 84-years old and has been on chemo for over a year for lesions on her liver. When I saw her, she told me that her latest scan shows no cancer, and she is able to stop chemo. She hugged me tight and said "I did it." I had tears in my eyes talking to her and am so happy for her. She is going to be in Pennsylvania for the month of August visiting her 3 children, and I am just thrilled that she does not have to come home to more chemo.
I sat next to another woman in the waiting room who is 4 years out from her breast cancer diagnosis and just celebrated her 60th birthday. She had such a refreshing perspective on things, and it was a real pleasure to talk to her. She offered a lot of encouragement, and I am glad that we would up next to each other in the waiting room.
Another woman came up to me and told me that I have a beautifully shaped head. Oh cancer compliments. That is one of the biggest ones, I must say. I felt honored.
The oncology waiting room is not always a happy place, as one might imagine, but there are rays of sunshine that make it into the room, and I am always grateful when those rays touch me. I am especially grateful this week when things are a bit more tense.
This post has gotten WAY too long so I'll save a great conversation that I had with my therapist for tomorrow's post.
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