I can't remember if I have said this or not (and a quick post search did not yield an answer), but I still have my port. I was going to insist on not having it out during my surgery, but my surgeon preempted me and said that he does not like to take out ports during surgery just in case. Glad we were on the same page. He said that I can have it removed whenever my oncologist and I decide that it should come out. Apparently, my port can come out during an office visit with local anesthesia. Frankly, that gives me the bad chills, but I suppose it is better than more surgery and general anesthesia.
I have to get my port flushed on Friday after an appointment with my oncologist. When they're not being used, ports have to be cleaned every 6-8 weeks to prevent any clogs. Fine by me. They can access my port all they want as long as no chemo is being administered through it!
This morning, I woke up with my left arm flung over my head. Good sign that I am healing very well from surgery. If doing that had hurt, I probably would not have slept through it. I also did not need any Advil until after work today.
Speaking of healing, I have a long way to go until I am healed emotionally (obviously). I look forward to the day when every twinge, lump or pain does not make me wonder if something more is going on. One of the lymph nodes in my neck is EVER so slightly enlarged. I would not even say that it was swollen...I can just feel it. I had a doctor look at it on Thursday, and he said that it was not abnormal at all. I had forgotten about it until I was massaging my neck last night and felt it again. Feeling it made me tense and cranky. If I never had cancer, I would have never given it a second thought especially since a doctor said that it was totally fine.
I'm not sitting here dwelling and got over my tension and crankiness pretty quickly, but that is just how my mind is going to work for a while I am afraid. Everyone says that similar situations get better over time, and I have to be patient with myself. I am newly emerging from a very traumatic time in my life, and it makes sense that fear will remain for quite some time. Until then, I will rely upon my wonderful medical team and my own awareness to let me know if I should be concerned about anything. I'll get there but will probably always be more hyper-aware of my body than I was in previous years.
I am actually looking forward to seeing my oncologist on Friday because I know that he will be so happy about my PCR. He has been acutely aware of my obsession with that and will be thrilled to know that it happened. I've also had fun telling others over the past few days.
My hair is starting to look pretty funny. From a distance, I still look pretty bald, but a closer look shows some major hair growth. I wonder when it will start to fill in so that I look less bald! Members of my TNBC group said that it took them about 12 weeks to have full-scalp coverage. It will be fun to see how it comes back in.
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