I'd like to be able to use the terms "riptide" and "rip current" interchangeably in this post, but a quick google of both told me that I would be wrong in doing so. As I was driving Henry to school this morning, the song Riptide by Vance Joy came on the radio. I've loved that song since the moment that I heard it (several months ago), and know that it has special meaning for some of the people reading this post. It's a very catchy and soulful song. If you have not heard it, I recommend taking a listen. Today, I wish that Vance (I feel pretty comfortable calling him by his first name) had called his song Rip Current instead of Riptide. Not nearly as catchy, though, so I get it. I just ask that he think of me next time. The term "rip current" is more applicable to me right now.
A rip current is a strong, localized, and rather narrow current of water. It is
strongest near the surface of the water, and it moves directly away from
the shore, cutting through the lines of breaking waves. Rip currents can be hazardous to people who are in the water. Swimmers
or floaters who are caught in a rip and who do not understand what is
going on, may not have the necessary water skills, may panic, or may
exhaust themselves by trying to swim directly against the flow of water
Water safety rules suggest that one should swim parallel to the shore if caught in a rip current vs. trying to swim directly back to shore against the current, which seems like it would be the most direct path. I feel like I am working my way out of a rip current right now. I am swimming parallel to shore, trying to get get out of the current, but not able to do so yet. As much as I would like to just get back on shore, I've got some more work to do before I get to that point, but I will get back on shore.
(Sorry if this gigantic metaphor is annoying. Stick with me.)
My stomach was still not back to normal today, and I am OVER IT. Totally over it. I fear that it will be even worse for the next two chemo treatments, and I am not looking forward to it all all. Of course, the chemo infusions are an important (perhaps the most important) part of my path out of this rip current, but ugh. So annoying. I just hate not feeling like myself.
I suppose that I could be experiencing some of the stomach bug that Henry had about a week and a half ago, but I doubt it. I'll continue to blame things on the chemo. It's nasty stuff. Necessary but so vile.
Enough feeling sorry for myself. Today was a really great day. I took Henry to school this morning, which was a big deal for me. He has a new teacher that I had not met, and I just really wanted to do something normal like drop him off at school. It was good to get eyes on things and to say hi to several people at his school. I took the dog for a walk during lunch today to enjoy the beautiful weather, and I registered for a class at the gym for tomorrow night at 7:45pm.
I was going to try to go to the gym tonight, but I'd rather wait until I (hopefully) feel better tomorrow. I'm not drinking any green beer right now so may as well spend St. Patrick's day doing something healthy for my body and mind. I'll talk to the trainer before the class starts tomorrow night and tell him what is going on so that he is not wondering why the heck I am not doing more. I'll be working really hard even if it does not look like I am. My stamina/endurance is just not what it was. I'll get back there.
I've always enjoyed exercising and have gone through phases when I am more committed to it than others. I know that my body is (was..not currently) capable of working out really hard and doing great things, but my mind gets in the way many times, especially when it comes to running. Yes, my body can run, but my mind often interferes. Cancer is going to change that for me. Once I know that I can mentally get through all of these treatments (I can and will), there will be no more excuses. Yes, I will have to get my body back in shape, but I will have no sympathy for any mental exercise blocks. I look forward to being able to push myself to exercise harder both physically and mentally, and I know that my body is capable of doing more.
Just as soon as I get back to shore...
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