I slept so well last night that I almost bounced out of bed when I heard Henry a few minutes before 7am. What a nice feeling! I have not been awake for hours on end during the night recently, but I also have not slept for a solid night in a while. I am having some issues with temperature regulation (thank you Lupron) so alternate between being too warm and being too cold during the night. Last night was better though, and I had more energy this morning. Amazing what some good solid z's can do for a person. I also went to bed at 9:30 last night so that surely helped. Wild Saturday for me.
We had another lazy weekend morning this morning. Henry and I logged some nice couch time before the rest of the house woke up, and I made a nice breakfast for everyone. I am afraid that I may have eaten too much of said nice breakfast because my stomach was just not right at all after that for most of the rest of the day. I also backed off on my nausea meds starting yesterday which was probably not wise.
I stayed put at home for most to the day today while Mike, Henry and Ryan went out for mini golf and go carts. I wanted to go and was sad that I didn't, but it was better for me to just rest for a little while and take it easy. That is what my body needed so I am glad that I did it.
I almost shaved my head yesterday when my friend was over, but I still couldn't do it. I don't know what I am holding onto here, but maybe I'll just let the rest of my hair fall out on its own as it has so far. It still looks like I have some hair when wearing a hat or scarf, which is why I don't want to let the sides and back go completely. The top of my head is a disaster though. It is wispy, patchy and funny looking. I just laugh about it at this point. I've never cared so much and so little about my hair all at the same time. I don't really care how to looks because I know that it is just hair and will come back in time, but I seem to talk about it a lot.
I think that the reason that I focus on it so much is because it is the most visible part of my experience. No one would know what I was going through if my hair was fully in tact, and I am not terribly interested in opening myself up to strangers who may or may not feel compelled to talk to me about cancer. I am likely over-thinking this whole thing as most people rarely give others a second glance, but who knows. All I can really compare it to, at this point, is being pregnant. When that belly starts to show, it seems as though one becomes fair game for mostly well-meaning but regular commentary from others.
Enough about my physical appearance. Today was a fine day despite my disappointment over not being able to do more. Rest and healing are important right now though so I am trying to be kind to myself.
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