Day 92 - Scream

I just want to scream.  Today is one of those days when I hate cancer even more than usual (and that is a lot).  A friend of mine got some bad news as it relates to her particular cancer, and it just makes me want to scream.  I won't go into detail and risk violating her privacy, but I can sit here and scream on the inside.

There is not much that I can say that I haven't already said other than reiterating that I simply do not understand.  I do not understand cancer and why it is so horrible, and I doubt that I ever will understand.

The sky fell all day in Charleston.  It was a rainy and dreary day, and we've got more of that on tap for the rest of the week.  Time to start brainstorming indoor activities for the weekend. I actually don't mind a rainy day as long as I don't have to be out in it too much. I'll have to be strategic with my walks/bike rides over the next few days and try to get them in during windows of no rain.

In other strange news, I think that my hair is growing a little bit.  I never lost all of my hair (just most of it), and I think that the hair that I did lose is starting to fill in a tiny bit.  I've read that hair re-growth can start to happen on my new chemo regimen, and that seems to be the case.  My eyebrows and eyelashes are still hanging on, but this type of chemo is likely to knock them out.  I do think that my eyebrows have thinned a little bit, but I could just be over-analyzing them.  More tales from the weird...

I would also give pretty much anything for a solid night of sleep.  I've tried melatonin and xanex, and both seem powerless to the hot flashes/night sweats.  I have been sleeping with the ceiling fan on and a table fan blowing directly on me, and I am still waking up.  I think that the lack of solid sleep is contributing to my emotional fragility.  So fragile!

Henry helped turn some sad/negative emotions when he got home today.  He's been working on a Mother's Day project for me at school, and he took it home today.  It was beautifully wrapped, and he could not wait until Sunday to give it to me.  He brought it right up to my office when he got home and helped me open it.  The gift is a very cute paper pot of flowers, and we hung it right up on my wall. He was very pleased with himself, and I love it.  So sweet.