Day 64 - Me

I've learned a lot about myself since February 5 (a.k.a. Day 1), and I learn more every single day.  Here are a few things:

• I am strong.
• I have never known fear like this.
• I wish that I could go back to everyone that I know who has ever had cancer and give them a huge hug and spend more time talking to them. A diagnosis of cancer rocks you to the core, and I did not realize the true ramifications of such until now.
• I didn't know that I could make so many tears.
• I didn't know that I could find happiness and joy during this process, but I have found it in so many ways.
• I never knew how much I was loved.  Yes, of course, I know that people love me, but I've never felt it as deeply as I do now.
• I am learning to put myself first in most instances (with some exceptions) during this process.  That is not easy to do.
• I will be a better mother and a better wife because of this.
• I am my own best advocate.
• AND I AM STRONG.

I've learned a lot more about myself, but those are the main ones I can think of right now.   Along the lines of advocating for myself, and as I've mentioned, I have been talking to my doctor about adding an additional type of chemo to my regimen called Carboplatin.  It's been proven to help increase the chances of a pathological complete response, which is something that I really want to happen. So if I can do something to increase those chances, I really want to.  My oncologist has been concerned about adding it due to toxicity of the carbo BUT called me today with a different message.  He brought up my case to his colleagues during their weekly tumor board meeting, and several of the doctors in the practice encouraged him to add it to my treatment plan.  They said that it is not part of the current standard of care for TNBC but it looks like it will be soon.  How cutting edge of me to be asking for it. The other doctors also told my oncologist that their patients currently receiving carbo are not experiencing terrible side effects so I still hold out hope that I will have an easier time with my next 4 treatments.

So, all of that said, my last 4 chemo infusions will be Taxol and Carboplatin, and the treatment schedule is changing slightly.  I will be getting chemo every 3 weeks vs. every 2 for the last 4 treatments so should finish chemo on June 23 instead of June 2.  The white blood cell recovery time with carbo is a bit longer so my doctor wants more time between treatments.  I am fine with that.  I am thrilled by it actually.  Who knew I could ever be so excited about adding more chemo to my life?! 

I got some other good news from a friend late last night who has been dealing with cancer, surgery and chemo for a very long time.  Her tumor markers (a test that evaluates the presence of cancer) have gone down significantly and are only 3 points away from "normal" (non-cancer) levels.  I am so incredibly happy for her, and I KNOW that the tumor marker number is going to keep going down. The chemo is working, the chemo is working!!

Despite a decent amount of nausea for me, today was a really good day. One of the anti-nausea meds that I have is a steroid, and I think that it is screwing up my sleep.  I was tossing and turning a lot last night, and I think that it is from the steroid.  I am going to try to go without tonight and see if I can get some better sleep.

Oh and P.S. - I am strong.