PBS has been running a series called Cancer: The Emperor of all Maladies. Part 2 was last night, and I was able to stay awake for a decent amount of it and recorded the rest. Last night's episode had a significant focus on breast cancer which was, of course, riveting to me. One part of the show followed the story of a surgical oncologist at Howard University who was diagnosed with breast cancer of her own. She had triple negative in one breast and Her2+ breast cancer in another which is an extremely rare diagnosis, and viewers were able to follow her through chemo and a bilateral mastectomy. Despite a scary diagnosis and prognosis, the show ended with her doing well after having a tremendous response to chemo. One tumor was totally gone at surgery, and the other was only 3mm large. Such great news. She is also young, a mom, a wife, career driven and very brave. I can relate to her on so many levels. I saw the pain and the fear on her face during her interviews. I know that pain and fear...there are too many of us that do.
The series is fascinating in that it covers many different types of cancer and talks about the history and the future of treatment. Some parts are very hard to watch, but I recommend it overall.
Today was a better day. My throat is still fairly painful, but between the magic mouthwash and another prescription that the on-call oncologist called in for me last night (first after-hours call..could not deal), I am confident that it is on the mend.
A few months ago, when Mike and I went to the cancer center for "chemo education" with a nurse, she went through a litany of potential side effects from chemo but said "you are likely to experience very few of these." Oh Nurse Heather, you jinxed me. I've experienced my fair share of side effects, and continue to be frustrated by that, but this is temporary. It is important that I keep reminding myself of that because the mental part of dealing with chemo is just as important, if not more so, than the physical.
People have remarked that they are impressed by my positive attitude (not tooting my own horn here), and I appreciate those remarks. My being (mostly) positive is something that I work hard on because I refuse to give cancer more than it has already taken from me. It has robbed me of many things and has made more more fearful than I ever have been, but I will not give it more. Yes, I have my days and have cried many tears over this, but this is the hand that I have been dealt for whatever reason so I am playing my cards and living my life as best I can despite some current challenges. Anyone else would do the same...that is not unique to me.
Mike and I walked the dog at lunch today, and while we were out, I looked at him and said "I'd like for you to shave my head when we get back." Just like that. I've had several friends offer to come over and do that for me, but I made a spur-of-the-moment decision and wanted it done right away. Mike was happy to oblige, and I actually look better without hair at this point. It was so patchy and gross on the top that it made me look more sick to have patchy hair than not. We joked about needing to revise our marriage vows to include head shaving as necessary. Our neighbors saw me brushing off my head in the front yard and came out to say hi and cheer us on. It was a happy occasion, and no tears were shed. Also, turns out that I have a very nicely-shaped head, but it is super super white. If you ever seen a PGA golfer (lots of golf in this house) take off his hat, you'll see a bright white line on his forehead that marks the protection from his hat. (meanwhile, I always worry that those guy don't use enough sunscreen) That is what I look like right now so I think that I'll try to get 2-3 minutes of sun on my noggin every day to get a tiny tiny bit of color. Who knew that I would worry about having a little bit of tan on my head?! Funny thing to think about.
When Henry saw my head, he smiled and said "mom, where did your hair go?" I reminded him that the medicine that I am taking is making my hair fall out. I let him rub the stubble on my head to feel how scratchy it is, we made a few jokes, and then he went to play. Pretty much perfect.
In closing (long post), I am glad that 2015 Q1 is behind us. It was not terribly kind to our family (though some good things did happen), and I am glad that these past three months are a thing of the past.
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