Day 76 - Better The Devil You Know

I have several friends who always have the perfect thing to say to me when life throws me curve balls. I've known one such friend for nearly 9 years.  We worked together in DC when we were mostly fresh out of school (she more so than I), and have remained great friends since then.  I would actually consider her to be more of a sister than a friend, and I can only say that about one other person in my life.  It's so nice to have two sisters that I found in adulthood, and I have many more friendships that remain very strong despite distance and time.  See previous comments about being very fortunate. 

My friend Diane (who I mainly reference above..the other deserves a post all of her own) and I communicate every day, often multiple times per day mainly through text, but we'll pepper in a phone call, in-person trip, or email on occasion. We're both busy with life so text seems to work out best. Last night, after I was expressing angst to her about today, she said "better the devil you know," and I think that is so fitting to my situation.  I get so scared of new because I have been thrown so much new these days.  I was scared of new today, and I still am quite frankly.  I am not sure what kind of side effects I am going to have from this round of chemo, but I know that I will deal with them as necessary and will ultimately be fine.

I sent Mike along once I got settled in the infusion room.  Today's chemo took 5 hours (!!) so there was no need for him to sit and stare at me for that long.  He went home to get some work done and picked me up after he snagged Henry from school today.  I packed half of my belongings to bring with me today given the 5-hour time frame. The Benadryl did not knock me out too badly although it did make me feel a little drunk heavy, and the wi-fi in the infusion room was working well so I was able to get some work done.  My nurse was shocked that I didn't fall asleep. I also did NOT have an allergic reaction to the Taxol portion of my chemo which is a big relief.  Apparently it can cause a rare but severe allergic reaction that manifests itself with shortness of breath, chest pain, and some other scary things.  They watched me very closely and had an emergency kit set up next to me just in case.  Yikes.  If I were going to have a reaction, it would have started very soon after the infusion began.  I was out of the woods quickly and was able to relax a little bit.

There was a woman sitting near me in chemo who was very chatty.  I tried to indulge, but she didn't really want to talk to me.  She wanted to talk at me, and it was probably for the best given the influence of Benadryl.  Her subject matter left me with very mixed emotions though.  She told me all about her metastatic triple negative breast cancer that came back in her lungs just 6 months after she finished treatment, and she also told me about a brain tumor that she recently had surgically removed (this was after I told her that I have TNBC, but I am honestly not even sure that she heard me).   As you might expect, these conversations are tough for me.  It is difficult to balance the appropriate level of empathy with my own fears.  This woman just needed to talk and get it all out, and I was a good listener.  I also know that everyone's story is different and that every diagnosis is different so I don't take her story personally. It was just somewhat unfortunate that she chose me for sharing today. As she walked away, I told her that I would keep her in my thoughts and prayers. She looked surprised and then offered me the same so I think she just needed someone to listen to her for a little while.

The doctor measured my tumor and did an exam, and he is still very happy with the shrinkage.  I am too, and I communicated the ultrasound measurements that my surgeon gave me to my oncologist.  Big celebrations all around.  It has shrunk by approx 70% which is very significant.  My oncologist is also very happy that I am meeting with the radiation oncologist next week and talked about how good she is and how much I will like her.  He knows that I like to gather all of my information before making a final decision so he's probably relieved that I am seeing the radiation oncologist so that I can pepper her with questions vs. him.

My oncologist did tweak the Carboplatin dose slightly.  Based on my height, weight and a few other factors, the computer told him to give me almost 1100 milligrams, but he did not feel comfortable with that.  He reduced it back to just around 900 to help save me from some potential toxicity.  I am ok with that.  That is still a healthy dose, and if it will help minimize some troubles, then fine.  

Here's a picture from today as I debut my bald head on my blog.  As you can see, I have a decent bald head.  It's not nearly as bad as I thought it would be.You might not be able to tell in this picture, but I still have a very very white noggin.  It is funny. I've tried to get a tiny bit of sun on it on occasion, but it is not doing much good.

Chemo #5/Fun With Filters

I am over the proverbial hump with chemo..three treatments left, and the next one will happen in 3 weeks. I have to come back for some blood work at the beginning of May to see if my blood counts have come back high enough for me to see my dentist for a 6-month cleaning.  If they are not high enough, I will postpone the dental appointment until July when chemo is over.

I guess that I am bracing for side effects still, but we will see. My doctor thinks that I will be better than when I was on the AC.  He's the expert, and I am going to hope that he is right about that!